- I am struggling after only being home for like 2 ½ days. I am struggling with thinking and processing my life and situations. Being back to everything I am used to and know but somehow its different because I have changed and its such a bigger struggle than going to a new country with new people, because its new. Right now my life feels but a dream. It feels like Germany was so quick and so real but now that I am back home I feel almost like it didn’t happen because I am back at home, yet I know it did and it was so real and it happened and it changed me so much. I learned I am super open and can be loving to people without even judging or if I judged it was in my thoughts and I tried to not let it bother me. I am exhausted. It’s weird seeing English everywhere and hearing English everywhere. It was strange driving my car today instead of walking to the u-bahn and sbahn. I miss being with my Germany friends. I miss those 24/7 people. I miss laughing ridiculously all the time and meeting new people and seeing new sights. I miss the adventure and excitement. I miss the love and fun spirit in the air. I miss not having internet, its weird having it again. I have become lazy and keep going on because I don’t know what else to do. Its weird having air conditioning again and not sweating or feeling sticky and gross all the time. Ice cubes in my drink the other day was nice but felt normal dispite missing them in Germany. I feel like being uncomfortable in Germany made me comfortable in my own skin and showed me who I was and I felt like I trusted G-d so much with my life and didn’t really worry because I lived with faith and I want to be like that all the time. Yet im already back and struggling with that. I also realized while in Germany that I kind of became numb and objective to information regarding the holocaust whereas at the beginning I felt very subjective and impacted by everything. Also I felt very in control of my emotions and now I feel really happy and like life is good and then go into feeling super lonely and lost in the world I used to know. I felt so free in Germany and now I feel stuck. I learned so much about how many Jews are in the world and yet I come back here and its like where are the Jews, its me and maybe on a good day a few others. I miss being with people all the time and today when I went to university and I saw two friends and they were like you should come rock climbing with us in the rec center and it felt so cool that people wanted to hang out. It was refreshing and made me feel like Germany again. However I went shopping and walked around by myself and it was weird and lonely but felt nice at the same time. Then on my way home I called spme other friends for them to come over and we talked and baked and that helped but it just made me feel lonely and miss my germany friends. I facetimed with one friend today and it made me feel alittle better because I didn’t feel alone because she was going through the same/similar feelings. Ugh wanting to hold on to these feelings, memories and experiences and changes because I like the new me better but I feel like I might just become back to who I was before I left because I am back at home and school.
- In Germany, the people lived there life instead of talking about their life and didn’t go on facebook all the time because they really cared about people and talking to each other. Real friendships real communication. Life is but a dream. It seems unreal to know that for the past month I was in another country and yet here I am back with my family and yet I feel so different. I miss learning and making new opinions everyday based on my own beliefs not what someone is telling me. I felt grown up and I didn’t feel sick. I feel like its hard to have fun again because I had such an extreme amount of fun almost all of the time. I wore myself out daily because I could and it was fun. Now my body is slow and lethargic. Change happens but coming home is a harder change than I ever would have expected.