Why is it that some days I feel like I fail….at everything!
For the past three hours or so, I have tried to concentrate, tried to solve one measly little thermodynamics problem and have come up short. I have searched the internet for answers, I already asked friends. I’m stuck in a rut. Finally I closed my book and decided I will look at it with fresh eyes tomorrow, I’m already distracted today, as it is.
It’s a struggle to feel lost and helpless. I’m obviously very tired because just two days ago I was bursting with excitement, joy and my signature “sparkle”. These are side effects of a Traumatic Brain Injury. These are things people don’t see. They don’t “see” because I usually spend the day in my room. I usually cut off communication or just text. People don’t see because I don’t allow them to. I even Skyped with a friend today which is a rare occurrence on days like today. It makes it sometimes harder when I do hide it, when I don’t admit that today is a good day–that’s because all people want to hear only good things. The moment you tell them that you are having a hard time, you lose half of them. Only my true family and friends will “stop the world and melt with you”.
It’s comforting to know I am not alone and that I am not losing this battle, its just the tiredness is kicking in and my body and brain have had enough. My brain is super ADD and lacks the ability to focus. To problem solve has gone out the window after I finished my math homework this morning. After three long days where I woke up early and didn’t go to bed until after midnight, my body and brain are now not friends. They are done. They are tired, helpless and exhausted. I’ve done too much. I’ve carried on and pushed for too long. Now all they want is sleep, and laughter, supposedly two of life’s best cures according to an Irish proverb. Goodnight all!