I’ve been diligently going to serve the homeless in downtown of my city with fellow university students. I am struggling with one of the ladies I met the very first night. I went to bring her food and she instead called me a devil-worshipping, communist. Thats a new one! Each week I go back, usually with another girl, as the guys stand guard 50 feet away. Little by little she has been sounding softer and nicer about asking us to leave. I’m however, frustrated, I just want to talk to her! I just want to know who she is and why is the way she is. I want to be able to give her food or clothes or something. But, instead all I get is asked to leave. Yesterday while serving I was the only one who went up to her and she looked at me, something she didn’t do the first time, and quietly requested I leave. I felt progress but a slowly dying flame. I want so badly to know her. This whole process has made me more curious. I want her to know I care and that G-d cares. I want to show her love and friendship that I know, somewhere along the way got cut off. However, its not too much in my control. I want ideas of how to better approach. I think next week I might ask one of the other ladies, who actually has a beautiful smile and such a positive attitude. All I know is that ever since last night, M has been constantly on my mind. I can’t figure out why. Four weeks ago when I first started going, after the frustrating and somewhat funny first experience I pushed aside to the back of my mind. Now, I know that I have changed and that I really desire to be able to reach out a helping hand to this woman. I also know she needs to be willing to receive it. I’m brainstorming now, new ideas for next weeks. New approaches. New methods. New ways of communicating care and to not scare her. Ways to show that I want to know her and give her some of my time, weekly. I am praying strongly for this situation because to some degree it feels out of my control. I have wept tears for M. I just hope that in G-d’s timing, for her to open up and choose to receive the food or the company for at least a few minutes each night. I guess for now, I’ll keep thinking about M.
I keep thinking about M