Such a restful Shabbat. I slept alot. During lunch, my friends grandparents came over and so that was fun. After Shabbat ended my friends aunts, uncles and little cousins were running around all over the place. Then went with my friend to Bet Shemesh and met some of her friends and we talked a lot. Well they talked alot and I would be updated periodically on what they were talking about that I could follow along just based on their tone of voice, knowing a little of what they were saying and picking up a few key words along with their body language and facial expressions.
While being here, I feel like it’d be easy to marry the man of my dreams. Its worry free being me. (Which is a new feeling to me). I don’t feel so judged for what I do or who I am. I feel there are Jews of all shapes, sizes and colors and yet we are all one. Its easy to feel like Aliyah and marrying someone Jewish and having a big family would be the best life. It feels safe and normal and like home.
I’m now starting to fear what it’ll be like to go to the states and forget the comfort, joy and love I feel here in Israel. I feel semi-worry free, no stress and able to enjoy life to its fullest. But, then again, I am on vacation…. Just the thoughts of going back to the states makes me feel stuck. Keeping shabbat, wearing skirts and being everything I want to be, is easy here.
I realize that in the states, I get so caught up with my next career move but here my eyes have been opened to what I really want and its something Israel seems to offer.
I realize G-d will guide my next steps and I have to be accepting of whatever is part of His will. Being here in Israel has made me realize how every step of my life has lead me to right here, right now. I feel discouraged as I write this but I trust G-d. Its not the right time yet, but, its coming and I can feel it.
Already missing everyone but so grateful to still be with my Israel leader.